Noelle Helps Us Rise from the Ashes
ByFor those who wonder whether horses grieve let me assure you that they do. Noelle’s demeanor has changed completely since the loss of Malachi. She wanted – needed – companionship and I was the only one around. We helped each other. Consoled each other. Reassured each other. And the net result for both of us has been to watch thresholds fall away at an ever increasing pace.
After June 3rd, she was so out of character, moving from one place to another, spending enormous amounts of time standing over the spot where Malachi was born. It just broke my heart.
I had never been able to approach and touch her without feed in my hand, but one day, with tears in my eyes from watching her move from one uncomfortable spot to another, I went into the paddock empty handed and walked up to her. At the last minute she backed away and I just turned around, my back to her, and stood quietly. It was only a few seconds before she was standing quietly right beside me. Wanting to be there. Needing the companionship.
Since that moment I have been able to approach her virtually anywhere at any time. Without food. And make contact.
A couple of mornings later while I was mucking her paddock, she offered up a perfect “join up”… she walked right up behind me and nosed my shoulder. I turned and rubbed her forehead, took a couple of steps and she followed, licking and chewing. This is the first time ever that she had done the approaching.
Now, when she’s munching Safe Starch in her open stall, I’ll stand for 10-15 minutes at a time pulling tangles out of her mane while she munches. Using both hands… on her left side (you might remember that this was her “scariest” side).
The first time I took a grooming brush into the stall she freaked out. So I left it on a straw bale in Malachi’s play pen and surrounded it with alfalfa :) Two mornings later the brush was on the ground, as was Malachi’s red ball and the stick he used to teethe on. That morning I took the brush in while Noelle was eating and she got her first ever brushstrokes on her neck. I can now brush all the way back to her butt on both sides.
My hand is welcome down to her front left knee before she gets nervous.
When she does freak at something, it’s now shorter-lived. She comes back quicker, might only be a step or two instead of halfway to Alaska.
About a week ago Kathleen and I put two folding chairs in the play pen (12×20) where she is now getting most of her small condiment of alfalfa… and every evening after loading the Gator for the hillside herd feed, we settle into the chairs with a small jelly glass of wine and chat about the day (no agenda)… as Noelle nibbles alfalfa at our feet, pokes her nose into our faces for a whiff, checks out the dirty jeans, and tries to buddy up with Benji. After the feed is gone, she’ll usually just hang out with us, foot cocked, watching the birds bombard the apricot tree.
Last night she was sniffing and blowing in my nose so closely that her muzzle hairs were tickling the inside of my nose. It was so cool.
She has a way to go, especially in the area of pressure on the halter, but she’s made more progress in the past few weeks than in all the months preceding.
It’s still not easy to sit in the play pen without thinking about Malachi, and Kathleen and I both sort of lost it last night for a time. But these gains with Noelle are wonderful and the night ended with Kathleen receiving her very first touch from Noelle and her very first permission to rub. We’re both trying to stay focused on these positives, once again learning – at the graduate school level – the amazing rewards that patience will reap. And learning again to trust in ourselves. – Joe
Noelle sniffs Malachi’s training platform
Glad to see you coming back to life. Considering Noel’s change of heart, I wonder if this was The Plan from the beginning. Perhaps Malachi chose to gift you with his bright flash in order to set a better stage for what comes next… Sorry if that is too “out there” but it is how I understand life and if I can give you any comfort by sharing my views, then I will try.
With love,
Terry Jenkins
Horses never cease to amaze me, the can act as friend, companion, teacher and healer. They can also comunicate if we would but listen.
You have started on the long road to recovery, and it looks as though Noelle is going to be you guide and mentor.
True enough Chris. Thanks for writing.
I always try to look for some answer or reason for tragedy. A lesson, or purpose. We usually never really know but it looks like you and Noelle are building a trust that may not have been with out the loss of your precious baby. She seems to feel your pain and knows you feel hers. To me, that’s a gift.
Blessings,
Marilyn
Welcome back, Joe. I know it’s been tough but I’m glad you are establishing a stronger relationship with the mare. Or she with you. Either way its great.
Joe, I’m just now coming out of the fog of Beauty’s loss and tragic death. I have 4 other horses to care for and just doing simple chores is helping me come back to earth. I now understand your pain and loss. Yes, it takes TIME.
~~Cheryl Ann~~
Welcome back, Joe. I know it’s been tough but I’m glad you are establishing a stronger relationship with the mare. Or she with you. Either way its great.
Admin,
There is a note on my comment saying “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” I’m new at blogging and don’t know what that means. Sorry for the double entry.
It´s so nice to see how you are sharing your loss with Noelle, it will help you all out of your pain.God bless you all.
AnneMai
there is a good horse grieving site you might wish to check hoofbeats_in_heaven@yahoogroups.com I know our group would love to hear more about Malacji
Joe: I so appreciate what you (and Malachi and Noelle and Benji and Kathleen) are doing for the mustangs; my heart has been going out to all of you since I heard about Malachi. I am shedding some love onto my little foster mustang filly Kaya in Malachi’s honor.
Kate and BLM mustangs Lalo, Frisco, Kaya and BLM burros Bunny, Rainbow, Olli and Camilo
Joe: I find myself thinking of you and your wife everyday and praying for you both. I know my love of animals, my horses the most, and can’t imagine losing one. I know that day will come but for now I’ve never experienced losing a horse. I can’t imagine your pain. Just know so many people are praying for you and Noelle.
Yvonne
Joe and Kathleen I believe that there is a higher power who knows His purpose for us here in life and this purpose is set even before we or anything (animals included) come to earth. I believe Malachi was put here on earth was born to Noelle for a purpose of bringing her closer to his mom. I always wondered why the higher power would call children and young animals home way before what I was ready for them to be.
There are special angels, such as Malachi, was whose purpose here on earth are short. In the short 3 months Malachi had the opportunity to be here on earth he helped you and Kathleen to become closer to his mom. Malachi may be gone in body but his spirit will always remain with the 3 of you, Kathleen Joe and Noelle. You are in my thoughts and I am glad you have become closer to Noelle for that is what Malachi wanted you to do.
I’m proud to say I “out there” with Terry…Reaching Noelle appears to have been the goal…a gut-wrenching & heart breaking one for sure. Malachi is I’m sure still with you all and guiding yours and Noelle bonding and future. God bless you all for your work & will keep all of you…2 legged and 4 legged in my prayers.
Dear Joe and Kathleen:
First time blogging, but only for you and Malachi and Noelle and Cash and all! It made me enter the codeword six times until I stopped. His blood and spirit are in her to comfort you and knowing this, know why she has come to you!! Love, Dawn
I always belive that God gifts with special horses, to help us on lifes path. Malachi was one of the special ones. He now runs in God’s herd.
The loss of your sweet boy was so hard to read. My prayers are with you both. It seems that it has brought you closer to Noelle and she to you. Perhaps this was the divine plan all along. Malachi was the key that has opened the door to a closer relationship with Noelle. Take care.
Hi Joe and Kathleen,
Good to see you back. I am sure that Noelle is trying to cope the best she can as well. It is very heart warming to hear that she has gotten closer to you, but what a tragic way to have that happen. I still cannot comprehend the loss of a wonderful little guy like Malachi. Losing a dog or cat is one thing but after all the work time and love you put into Malachi just to lose him…………..words can’t even scratch the surface.
I have been praying, as I’m sure all of us have been, that God will give you guys the strength to carry on and find some good out of the pain. “Things happen for a reason”, I have always believed this ever since I was a little girl. The reason for this is way beyond all our understanding, we can only push forward as beaten, weary and heart broken as we are some how we rise above the ashes to find the sun once more.
I hope that this will too find a special place in the sun, the memories you have of the time you spent with Malachi will be the bright spot in a dismal dark forest.
God Bless you and keep you strong.
Hugs, Christine
Dear Joe and Kathleen:
The card you have coming in the mail will lift you to
immortalizing Malachi, Noelle and “Dad” when you look at the picture. I am wearing it and get goose-bumps thinking what it means to me. May it mean the same to you!
Love, Dawn
Dear Joe and Kathleen,
It was heartwarming to read of your most recent event with Noelle. She is a huge part in this healing process for you and I believe she is teaching you both very deep lessons. She is an absolute beauty and seeing her “join up” with you brings tears to my eyes.
As you know, I lost my beloved Spirit (to a snake bite) after only 8 short months adoring him and establishing the best bond I’ve ever had with a horse. I asked him to bring me another horse I could love and bond with as much as him. He did, in only 3 weeks, I have our new Spirit girl (yes, her name is Spirit too . . . now that’s not a coincidence). She is an amazing beauty and full of love. In the photos we have taken of her, we have seen many orbs around her but there is one that is huge and I know it is our Spirit in the spiritual animal realm that stepped in to let us know he is with us still and bought us our other Spirit to love. Now, tell me there is not an amazing omnipotent spiritual presence around all of us!! If you’d like I can send you the photo.
Love and continued healing and blessings,
Rhoda Reilly, your Valley Center neighbor