I hope he can forgive me. Because he found for me that ‘key discovery’ I have never been able to put my finger on. This is my response to him:
Thank you for the kind words about the blog… but I don’t really think “meeting halfway” is the key to relationship with a horse. With Zeke the burden was mostly on me… to evaluate his issues and reactions and then lead him out of them into a new life. Notice I said “lead”… not force, not cajole, not create a conclusion that I, the human, want… but to let him see and understand that there is no longer any cause for him to fear, and understand what that can mean to him, which of course is trust. An absence of fear. I could lead him through that, and demonstrate, but I had to let him make the choices.
I learned that in the very beginning with my first horse and Monty Roberts Join Up. The most important element in the process is leaving the choice to the horse. I must convince him that there’s no reason to fear. And therefore there is reason to trust. That nothing bad is going to come from all this. In Zeke’s case, possibly for the very first time in his life.
This is all very simple, if you let it be. Before you ever start, evaluate your motivation. Why are you doing this? What is your goal? Your objective? Why are you working on this relationship. And I can truly say that my objective is the same one that God asks of us. Complete and total trust. And that goal, at least on the human or God side, is born in complete and total love. I love this horse and I want him to trust that I will do nothing, ever, to violate that trust. If that is your true goal then you will do the right things to get there. So… if trust is your goal, and love is your motivation, then you should never have to check your ego, and it will never enter your mind to ask the horse to meet you halfway.
This is not a mechanical process. Not an intellectual process. It is totally, completely, and interactively emotional. On both sides. And for that reason it can never accurately or truly be codified. Please remember this when you’re looking at trainer lists, methods, outlines, levels, etc. It’s somebody’s attempt to codify something that has emotional, not intellectual, experience at its heart. At its soul, if I may :)
If your primary goal is to ride the horse, or train the horse, or get the respect of the horse, or win blue ribbons and trophies, then, I’m sorry, I believe that you are starting in the wrong place. A horse is a living, breathing, sentient being who happens to have a genetic system that is founded in fear. Because he is a prey animal and he has no defense against predators except to run. He reacts first and asks questions later. If he didn’t we’d have never known the horse. He would’ve been extinct thousands if not millions of years ago.
But when you start with relationship first because you care about this horse and this relationship, and you prove to the horse that he can trust you, that you are worthy of his trust, and he chooses, of his own free will, to trust you, then everything changes. Everything. You will then have a willing partner who will never stop trying for you.
Many trainers set out to teach beginners to get their horse’s “respect” so that they will be safe. So that their horse won’t hurt them. At first blush that’s a reasonably sane concept. But where there is no relationship of trust, whether these teaching folks choose to tell you this or not, there is always an element of force or domination involved in an attempt to obtain a “show of respect” from an untrusting, fearful horse. Not necessarily physical domination, but, at the very least, mental domination of the horse.
To anyone who doubts this I say throw away your halter and lead rope and then attempt to teach that lesson in “respect” to an untrusting, fearful horse. When you are in relationship, when your horse trusts you, when he has made that decision on his own, you don’t need the halter and lead rope to teach. And respect is a natural byproduct of that trust. Zeke has proven that. Our entire herd has proven that.
I didn’t train Zeke to come to me when I call his name. As the trust evolved and the fear dissipated, that’s something he chose to do on his own. Which is a pretty strong testimony for what trust can do, seeing as how we’ve only been at this a couple of months. And usually he comes running. Which frankly in the wet weather we’ve been having I would prefer he not do. But he insists.
This morning, as he tore into the barn breezeway he ran up to me, skidded to a stop, and gently touched his lips to mine. He was giving a kiss. He knew it would get him a treat. But he also wanted to do it. He wanted to please me. And I wanted to please him. After the treat I gave him a hug and we both went about our business, me prepping buckets for feeding. Him munching hay from the hay room. To daily be in the presence of humans who have no agenda with him whatsoever – no plans to halter him or tie him up, or cause him fear, or pain, or worse – is the best tonic for eliminating that fear and building trust. Once all this is etched in stone, then we’ll get to other things, like riding. But from a position of total trust.
And all of that is helped along immensely by the fact that he’s living life like a horse, probably for the first time in his seven years. Free range on 22 or so acres 24/7.
The relationship I have with Zeke is not unique. It’s just not usual. Because way too many people begin at all the wrong places. They don’t focus on trust. Every horse on the planet would prefer to be in good relationship with any potential predator. Why? Because their number one concern is their safety, and if they have learned they can trust you that eliminates one fear and opens the door to good relationship. It means one less predator to worry about.
If you start by caring, and focus on trust everything else will be simple. Or at least much simpler. Because, as I mentioned earlier, when your horse has chosen, on his own, to trust you, everything changes for the better. I suppose I must’ve taken all this for granted. Because I allowed my very first horse to choose me in Join Up. To tell me that he trusted me to be his leader. Not the other way around. It was his choice. And when it happened everything changed. For me, and my horse. He was no longer my horse. I wasn’t his owner. The first line of the movie Hildago said it right. Cash was now my little brother.
And I promised him that day that he would have the best life I could possibly give him. And I meant it.
No stone would be left unturned because I now cared deeply about this horse and I would be asking everywhere I went how do I make his life better. Not how do I make my life better. My life would get better when his did.
And so it is with Zeke.
Joe
Related Post: Lessons from Zeke… On Trust
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The story of our journey with horses (to date) is told in the two books that follow: the national best seller The Soul of a Horse – Life Lessons from the Herd and its sequel Born Wild – The Soul of a Horse.
And what a story it is as two novices without a clue stumble and bumble their way through the learning process so that hopefully you won’t have to. If you haven’t read both of these books already please do because with that reading, I believe, will come not just the knowledge of discovery but the passion and the excitement to cause you to commit to your journey with horses, to do for the horse without waiver so that your relationship and experience will be with loving, happy and healthy horses who are willing partners and who never stop trying for you. Horses like ours.
Read the National Best Seller that started it all:
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Read More About Born Wild
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Watch the Born Wild Trailer
The highly acclaimed best selling sequel to
The Soul of a Horse – Life Lessons from the Herd
#1 Amazon Best Seller
#1 Amazon “Hot New Releases”
Amazon & Kindle
B&N and Nook
Apple iBooks
Google play
Order Personally Inscribed Copies of Born Wild – $15
Order Both The Soul of a Horse & Born Wild – Save 20%
Both Personally Inscribed – $24
Please list the names for each inscription in the “instructions to Seller” field as you check out!
Read More About Born Wild
Read More About The Soul of a Horse
Watch The Soul of a Horse Trailer
Watch the Born Wild Trailer
“Joe Camp is a master storyteller.” – The New York Times
“One cannot help but be touched by Camp’s love and sympathy for animals and by his eloquence on the subject.” – Michael Korda, The Washington Post
“Joe Camp is a natural when it comes to understanding how animals tick and a genius at telling us their story. His books are must-reads for those who love animals of any species.” – Monty Roberts – Author of New York Timers Best-seller The Man Who Listens to Horses
“Camp’s tightly-written, simply-designed and powerfully drawn chapters often read like short stories that flow from the heart.” Jack L. Kennedy – The Joplin Independent
“Joe Camp is a gifted storyteller and the results are magical. Joe entertains, educates and empowers, baring his own soul while articulating keystone principles of a modern revolution in horsemanship.” – Rick Lamb – TV/Radio host – The Horse Show
Watch The Soul of a Horse Book Trailer
Visit The Soul of a Horse Channel on YouTube
Follow our latest journey with two amazing new arrivals from the wild. Kathleen’s terrific photos are worth the click.
In chronological order:
What an Extraordinary Weekend!
Firestorm’s Amazing First Day in the Playpen
No-Agenda Time – So Much Value!
An Amazing Birthday Gift from a Wild Mustang!
Saffron and Firestorm – Progress and Photos – Lots of Both!
Two Mustangs – Three Mind-Boggling Months!
For more current posts go to the blog homepage and scroll down
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