Our Hearts Are Breaking
On the evening of June 3rd, exactly three months from the day of his birth, we lost Malachi in the aftermath of a violent thunder and lightning storm that knocked out a power pole on our property. As we piece together what happened, a fleet of huge power company trucks climbed our driveway that night which passes right by Noelle and Malachi’s paddocks and stalls. These gigantic loud monsters apparently freaked Malachi into a frenzy and he cracked his head on a post or stall rail. According to Dr. Matt he dropped immediately and died on the spot. We are devastated. Just devastated. He was our first and only baby. We only wanted one. And so much of the rest of my life was wrapped up in him. I so looked forward to going down at feeding times because Malachi got to come outside and play while I loaded the gator for the pasture feed. He was such a good boy. And so big, and strong, and healthy. Everything you could ask for in a messenger for the mustangs; and he represented everything we had learned in The Soul of a Horse, our entire journey. His birth was to be the first chapter of the next book. I loved him so, and so looked forward to the rest of my life with my boy horse. It was all so random. So wrong. I can’t stop crying. I am lost.
The photo above was taken on May 24th. The first two below on May 25th and are the last ones taken with me (when he was awake). The next two were the very last ones taken, on May 28th, the day of his gelding.
I will be offline and journal entries and posts will be on hold for a while.
Joe
Goodbye Malachi, my boy horse. I don’t know
what I will do without you.
Goodbye Malachi, my boy horse. I don’t know
what I will do without you.
Additional Malachi Posts:
Hard to Believe Malachi is 7 Weeks Old – New Photos
Spending Quality Time with Malachi
Malachi – The Soul of a Horse Continues
Morning Surprise – It’s a Boy!
Note added July, 2014:
Noelle’s and Malachi’s stories are chronicled in the book Born Wild – The Soul of a Horse.
Joe,
I was just visiting the blog for the first time enjoying the tales of your sweet baby boy… and then my heart was broken as was yours…. I have a dear friend who is a breeder of Morgans and we have been blessed with a number of babies over the years, but I have felt the pain you are feeling as one of her yearlings passed way too early…. my heart and prayers go out to you and Kathleen…. I know it has been a while now, but I am sure the memories are still fresh. Hang on to the happy memories…you have a great angel…
Joe, it’s Rachael, your writer friend from Oklahoma. I have been trying to reach you.
Was lovely and sad to read through your blog. Please contact me.
Rach
=(
Joe we can empathize with your loss of Malachi. We have had over 30 births over the years (just 1-2 a year)and witnessed almost all – ALWAYS an awesome experience and then to spend the time – sometimes all of their lives – with them, through sickness and health etc., yes, we become attached to them – anthropomorphism? – some admittedly more than others!
Jamie’s Carmen Miranda was one of those – This is the one I’ve a pic of you and she with in the pasture – It about broke her heart to lose Carmen – which she did I guess almost three years ago now – so much so that she cannot bear to look at several photo albums created in memmorium!
Good for you Joe re your AI endeavors and I too think you’ll have a nice cross – Good Luck – in the bonds…!
Pete
God needed him back……no doubt you will reunite later….hugs to ya
I know too well the pain of loosing a beautiful horse like Malachi.It tears your heart out and leaves a massive hole. I have lost 3 horses , one a rescue mare on the 3rd June 2008…Not a day goes past when I don’t think of them. I was looking forward to seeing Malachi growing up and was so sad when I heard the shocking news. Malachi is running free with all the others we have lost in our heavenly herd.
R.I.P. beautiful little man..
I just left a note at another place on your site and then discovered this news about little Malachi. I have tears streaming down my face. May the grace of God continue to be with you. Man. He was beautiful.
But the story’s not over, there will be more…God has a plan, and it is a good one, a better one. Keep your eyes, and heart, open for the next little guy (or gal) who will need you. The story will continue.
Peace to you,
Jane Ames
good Morning, Im new to your blog and just finished goinv over it, reading as much as possible. I ended with the story of Maachi. So sad Im feeling now for you, your family and Malachi. Malachi lost the chence to learn of trust from such loving humans and feel the love you had for him. Im sure in his 3 short months of life he had di feel all of this from you, its just a shame it wasn’t longer. I think the story of Malachi can still be the begining of your next book. The book will start with such love for the soul of horses that I know the rest will be as wonderful. And it may help you with your loss of Malachi. Malachi will always live on through your heart, this blog and your stories. have a wonderful holiday with your family, both 2 legged and 4 hoffed family! Best Regards, Pam Blakso
Joe,
I couldn’t comment about your loss when it had originally occurred. I knew that it was much more painful to recieve condolences than to write them, and I could not write you with a small pat on the back and a contrite story told to relate to your loss. Scrolling down today reminded me about your loss.
I still feel insufficiant in offering consolation because I didn’t know Malachi, nor did I ever observe your relationship with him. I do know that your bond was extraordinary, because animals always give all that they have, and when humans do the same-it is magic.
I have a of famous Quotes from authors of good knowledge
When Allah created the horse, he said to the wind, “I will a creature procede from thee. Condense thyself.” And the wind condensed itself, and the result was the horse.
Horse, thou art truly a creature without equal, for thou fliest without wings and conquerest without sword.
Mother Nature’s most beautiful, perfect creation is also her most delicate.
Christine Dix
Since I am new to your site I only just found out about this tragedy. My heart goes out to you. He had this perfect swirl between and just above his eyes. This means that he had an uncomplicated nature and would have been a wonderful partner. He had a lovely friendly expression with the setting of his eyes and ears. I am just learning about swirls and ears etc. and how they can predict a horses nature.
Anyway I just wanted to say that I too cried when I learned about this unfortunate ending to such a wonderful life. I have never lost a horse friend but I have lost many a dog friend.:-(
Hi, I feel so bad for you losing your boy. I have a 4 month old Nevada Mustang Polish Arabian colt. He is just gorgeous and I love him lots. He is quite the little stallion at such a young age. Bossing his sisters around. His father is a Nevada mustang born on the range and was brought to Canada. As far as we know he is the only stallion in Canada at this time. He belongs to my brother. Pictures are on the website. I know what it feels like to lose a horse. I also lost a baby. Her story is also on the website. I hope you heal soon.
Kimberley
I just read about your loss and want to offer my condolences. It is so sad when things like this happen. I spend a lot of time at a friends ranch, who breeds Appaloosas. Occasional deaths have been part of the deal unfortunately. It is so sad, understandable, expected but still heartbreaking. Horses are amazingly tough and also amazingly fragile.
Great sadness but also great joy to spend time with horses through the entire life cycle.
Steve
P.S.
The first Benji was found in a shelter in Burbank, CA. That is where I grew up! (the town – not the shelter – ha!)
Benji, the Hunted was filmed partly in Astoria, OR. That is about 36 miles from where I currently live.
My sister’s husband’s brother, Doug Herthel, is an equine doctor in Santa Ynez, CA!!
Just some connections I thought were interesting.
Hi Joe –
Thank you for your transparent and honest post about the loss of your dear pet. Last Friday (Aug. 7), I accidently hit and killed our sweet little orange tabby, B. J., that was part of our family for over 14 years (about half the life of our two daughters). I was devastated, and now have the memories of the sight of it all!! He was so dear, and sweet, and so underserving of this demise. I have cried buckets (and the rest of the family was very hurt as well). He was simple, loving (unconditional), funny, always wanted to be with his family, loved wheebarrel rides, hide-and-seek games, hangars, boxes, bags, just generally a gift from the Lord to bless us in a special way!! What a great God we have to give us these unbelievable animals to be our friends and comfort. Thank you for all you have done to help us appreciate the wonderful world God created for us to enjoy!!
Malachi, your boy horse. Your gift from God. So glad you experienced this joy. Your journey continues….for Malachi and his momma.
Lynn
Thanks so much …for the kind words Melanie (and everyone). Focus forward is all I can say. And wait on time to pass. Most of the time now we’re okay… keeping the focus forward not backward… but only this morning as I sat in the Gator waiting for Kathleen to open a gate, looking down on Noelle and Malachi’s paddock and the piece of fencing we had installed before he was born to protect him I could feel his presence and lost it completely. Remembered the way I would wrap my arms around his chest and barrel and he would calm down and just stand quietly. And I always thought about how funny that would look with a full-grown horse, and wondered if he would still do that when he grew up. Noelle’s progress recently has helped a lot, but nothing can replace my boy horse, or ever will.
Joe
Hi Joe and Kathleen,
I am so very sorry for your lost. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I discovered your website through your book, Joe, “soul of a horse”. I have been a rider for over 20 years and now own my first horse. Like you did, I am trying to gather as much information I can so I can give the best life I can to my 21 yr old man. One thing that I find scary is to go through this exact thing you are going through: their loss. If you can and are able to, please continue informing us how you are coping. I have never lost a person or an animal that I love and I am really worried I do not have the tools to cope with it when it does happen. To connect with an animal like you and other natural horsemen describe opens our hearts so much that how do we cope when that connection is suddenly broken with their loss?
My heart goes out to you.
Joe and Kathleen,
In 1990 I carried a quarter horse mare of ours to a friend’s house in Georgia. He had leased a stallion from a man in Midland, Tx, and I wanted a foal by him. He was a son on Two Eyed Jack, one of the greatest producers of cattle horses ever bred. Long story short, I had horses all my life, buying one here or there. This one was my plan, mine and God’s. Bo was born in June. A beautiful stallion..with a gentle disposition. Six months later I bought a grandaughter of Two Eyed Jack from the same friend in Georgia. She had come from the Pitzer Ranch Sale in Nebraska, and was a bay roan. When it was time, I put the two in the field together, and eleven months later, Dreamer was born. She was delicate, sweet, and exactly what I had ordered. She was 1 1/2 months old when I got a call at work. She and her mother were in the stall, and she had a broken leg. I called vets all over the area, and finally got one that was available. Sill at work, he called me and told me that the leg could not heal. It had broken and separated, and she would have to be cast and in a splint to even be able to walk on it.
I made the choice to have her put down, I didn’t want her to suffer. That afternoon, after work, a friend came with his equipment to bury her for me. She was a beautiful soul, like you speak of in your book and your blogs. At the time, we had 18 horses on the farm. My heart was broken, and so was my spirit. I now own one horse, unbroken, a paint mare. She is a good horse, nice to look at, but I never broke her for lack of time and help. She lives a good life here.
I know the pain you feel when you lose a baby, the one you plan to raise and keep forever. I wish we could bring them both back. Take care of Noelle, she is a great spirit.
As a former horse owner who would go back to being a horse owner in a heart beat I would like you to know that I truly feel your pain. We lost our young stud when lightning hit our barn. Even though that was twenty years ago “Flash” still has a place in my heart.
Dear Joe, Kathleen and family:
I am deeply sorry to hear of the loss of Malachi. I am not a reader really– I read about your book “Soul…” in the LA Times months ago and thought I would enjoy it, It took me several months to get past the opening where you are sitting on the rock at the end of a day… I am so sensitive when it comes to animals — I was afraid the book would rip me apart — but it didn’t. I cried quite a bit, but all good feeling cries. Unlike the cry I am having now for you and your colt. I just yesterday finished the book. It is a beautiful book, and it has given me such emotional release and I keep reflecting on the many different lessons,and stories that you shared so beautifully. Today I decided to have a look at your web site and was struck with grief when I read the sad news. I know you must be have unbearable pain and anguish… but time will allow you must though it and you will once again have the perpective to know what a special being you are to all horses… a spirtual light that shines no mater what or where –on all of them. They need you– God bless you–anc keep you strong. I feel I know you , because I am very much like you… I am an animal lover, currently without any though. Just lost my last cat of 23 years and so my husband an I are taking a break from having pets right now — I am one who has more affinity for animals than for most humans. I feel that I can connect with just about any animal. Or at least am willing to try. I understand all that you write about–choice and relationships,– parterships and belonging rather than owning. It must be broadcast to the masses about the shoeing and stabling wrong doings– or unknowings. I thought of perhaps getting celebrities involved– to help get the word out there –everywhere. The celebrity can reach people easily– thus communicate more widely. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for your generousity and care for the horses. Take good care .
–bk
A friend of mine sent me a link to your site today, I am so very sad to hear of the loss of your colt. He looked like a real “star” in the making! What a loss to the equine world. Someone up there must have needed a good horse! I look forward to continuing to read about his mother’s progress.
Kathleen and I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of our heart for the many comments, emails, prayers, and the support through this period. It is just amazing to us that we have so many friends out there and we appreciate each of you so much.
Joe
I just recently came across your Blog and read about Malachi. A wonderful youngster taken much too soon. I am so very sorry.
More tears as I read about Noelle and how you are all coping with Malachi’s loss. How honoured you must be that she has turned to you in her hour of need, and I hope it helps just a little that you can grieve together. She must feel your grief, horses are such sensitive creatures, and perhaps she seeks to comfort you both as well as deriving comfort from being near you. So the next chapter begins and Malachi’s adventurous spirit lives on………..
Dear Joe,
I just want to send you a cyber (((HUG))) and let you know how sorry I am about the loss of Malachi. May God bless and comfort you through this very hard time.
Robin
I am so very sorry and heartbroken to learn of Malachi’s death. I cannot even imagine the pain you must be suffering. I always think of the words of Gretchen Jackson upon Barbaro’s death – “The price of love is pain.” As great as the pain undoubtedly is right now, I am sure that you would not take back a single hour that you spent loving Malachi and being loved by him.
Lynne Wise
Thanks so much for the kind words Lynne. Very much appreciated. No, I wouldn’t give back any of the time spent with our boy horse. – Joe
I cried as I read about Malachi’s untimely death. I can’t imagine the grief you all (especially Noelle) are going through. Please know you are all in my prayers!!
And the prayers help Rhonda. They do. Thank you. – Joe